The IN Cache 5* Terrain 5* Difficulty

Obsessed... really? I mean really obsessed? Isn't that a bit strong?

"How obsessed can Mr.Biffo actually be?" I hear you ask.

"What's the big deal Mrs.Biffo? After all, Geocaching is a hobby that takes one out into the great outdoors, exploring nature's gifts and often taking one to places of great beauty or historical interest."

Indeed this is the case.

So just when does this 'health promoting' hobby step over that line? 

I'll tell you when, it's when Mr.Biffo's brow furrows at the lack of a 5* terrain / 5* difficulty in his stats bar.

Now pride is a fickle creature.

The male pride in Mr.Biff is thinking 'all the seasoned geocachers have achieved such elevated status'. Perhaps Mr.Biff will be viewed (God forbid) as a greenhorn by the veteran cachers, y'know the '1000+ fraternity' (you know who you are...damn you).

So...... he trawls, yes seriously trawls,  the geocaching website looking for such caches. Oh! There are a few in Antartica, $15,000 not including flights. Eh....naw. Low and behold (yes Ian I know you say love and behold), there happens to be one very close to home, in Pollok Country Park, Glasgow. I concede Pollok Park has a good few caches and is a super caching day out, but think long and hard before attempting.......

 The In Cache by marblerodent (GC256W3)

To date 16 numpties have logged this cache, we logged it on July 25th 2010. There is little point in me retelling the tale of The In Cache...the evidence below clearly explains all.......

HEALTH WARNING - DO NOT VIEW IF YOU HAVE A FEAR OF SWAMPS!....OR BARKING DOGS...OR INDEED, BARKING MAD, MIDDLE AGED, MEN.....(I love alliteration! Sad I know)

I hear myself giggling (hysteria is not always borne out of happiness remember), and explaining to a very surprised woman walking her dog that it's a 'kinda treasure hunt' and 'worth a lot of points'. Now this people is love; love makes you try to make sense of madness, you give excuses for your loved one's actions. 

Think of the toddler who throws a hissy fit in the middle of the supermarket, it's love that keeps his mother from walking away and driving out of the car park without him (okay...I know it's a very close call that one, and I have been known to deny all knowledge of my offspring..... in fact recently in Ikea when Co and her deranged friends 'crazy stalked' Colin and Justin off the telly I tried to make a getaway but they caught up with me..... the kids not Colin and Justin).

Anyway I digress....Love makes you blind to glaring insanity. If I only 'liked' Mr.Biff I would have (out of kindness) called in a psychiatric team to help make him better. There are people out there trained for this sort of thing. The other thing about loving someone is making them happy.... trust me Shrek (Ian) was very happy; he may have been waist deep in the most foul smelling stew but he was in his element. God only knows what was lurking in it's murky depths, although I have my suspicions that the great FFB lives in such a place, all that talk of pike and fishing and the like.....

So the IN cache was conquered, our Biffo could hold his head up with pride. As he squelched out of the pond, he was glowing with the sense of achievement .... or perhaps it was the radioactive glow of swamp matter, I'm not so sure, though a few days later all his leg hair fell off.

Now a point of interest! Y'know when you are walking along a street or pathway and there in the middle of the path is a solitary shoe or sock or the like? Often I have questioned how a person could lose such and essential part of apparel and not notice. Never have I walked out of my shoe and not noticed. How do such things come to be stranded in unsuspecting places?

Anyway, Mr.Biff headed off into the bushes to get changed... how he never got arrested that night I'll never know. 

Driving home, he sat eager to upload his new status on the Geo stats. He could hold his head high with the big boys now.

I imagine now the perturbed thoughts of the passerby who found a pair of swamp covered boxer-shorts in Pollok Park..........we know now how random necessary items of clothing go missing, don't we Mr.Biff?.........Oh yes we do..............to our eternal shame..........yes we do!